on both and: holding two things at once

Sometimes you sit on your meditation cushion and it feels so difficult. It feels like a push, a pull, a tug-of-war of the mind. You are fidgety, your to do list in rampant, and the thoughts are swirling. You keep peeking at the clock. It just isn’t it. You know you are meant to meet yourself where you are at, without judgement, without labeling but you cannot help yourself — you want the blissful floaty feeling that comes along with a “good” meditation. You try. You try not trying. You show up, again and again. This can last for a day, for a season, and then suddenly out of seemingly nowhere, the fog lifts and you find that clarity. You drop in. You find the sweet spot. You sigh in relief. You hope tomorrow’s meditation brings the same gentle medicine. Welcome to the human experience.

This morning’s meditation was one of the floaty ones. If my mind is overly active (ahem — almost always) I start with a guided meditation before dropping into my own silence. It felt like a sweet relief after a season of sticky meditations. Finally things just flowed.

I found myself meditating on the concept of * both and *

Holding two, often contradictory, things at once.

There is no black or white, only gray.

The nuance, the subtleties, and the shadows are often where the magic happens. Keep an eye out for the glimmers. If you're rushing you will miss them.

(Slowing down is one of the great lessons of my life).

Holding the joy and the sadness at the same time. Permission to change your mind, permission to not be so rigid.

Meditation holds a mirror to see what's really there and provides a window to see beyond ourselves, beyond the body, beyond any constraints of the mind.

It's a solitary practice but it's really not just for Self. If your meditation practice is just about you, I encourage you to keep going until you find that window.

“tyyyy what do you mean?"

I mean when you're moving through the grief of a death and the joy of a birth at the same time and the momentous energy that comes with both. That at first they seem polarizing but you come to realize they are one of the same.

And by magic I mean literal magic, sure, like signs and synchronicities but I also mean when you and your friend catch each others eye in a moment of bewilderment or doubling over in laughter over the silliest thing. Magic as in when someone reaches for you and you have the exact thing they need.

I mean living in a messy world with a bleeding heart choosing to be wide open and knowing it's not about you, but without you it wouldn't quite exist the same.

All of this comes when you slow down to really notice - to really feel. To hold two things at once.

Wishing you the wisdom of the both and,

ty